Fatherless Women and Our Expectations of Men

Let’s face it. We are fragile beings. We love hard because we missed a bond as a little girl. We have to accept that and move forward.

I think that sometimes we expect the men in our life to love us more than we love ourselves. We may not even realize that we are doing this! It will never be that way. Harsh, but it has taken me two long term relationships and a marriage later to realize this fact. I love coming and blogging about this topic because I’m truly about helping other fatherless women understand their pain and overcome from it. You have different types of fatherless women and they can’t be grouped into the same category.

There’s the accomplished, educated, and financially stable fatherless woman. Their expectations of others will always be HIGH, especially their MEN. They want them to do what their dad DIDN'T DO! and EVEN BETTER. They want to be taken care of despite their status or accomplishments. They want to be secure. They want to be LOVED. This may seem what EVERY woman wants, but for a fatherless woman, the expectation level is multiplied by a hundred. Yes, they deserve all of those things, but some may have issues accepting the care and love. They may not even realize what they want is right under their nose, but they have a hard time receiving the love.

Then there are the DAMAGED, financially challenged, and never encouraged fatherless women. They may not have been able to accomplish all that they can due to their financial upbringing. They may not have had encouragement. These women usually take care of every man instead of themselves. In our culture, we look down upon them, but we never really understand the love they missed. They have the BIGGEST hearts. They completely forget themselves.  Their expectations for men are extremely low. They are so used to not having a father around that they don’t expect a man to stick around either. Their expectations from the beginning are pessimistic towards a man. They will accept anything.

I think I’ve been both types of women in my life. I believe that all fatherless women need to really look inside to understand that “EXPECTATIONS” should leave our vocabulary. No one will ever be our Dad. We need to see people for who they truly are face value. We need to “EXPECT” that what we want may not always happen according to plans. We’re all a little damaged inside. It’s not a bad thing. We need to take the time to forgive before beginning relationships. 

We didn’t get to see mom and dad sleep in the same bed at night, eat dinner together, or wake up together on Christmas morning.

However, we can make sure we work hard to show  our children and future children how to properly receive love and give love.

Let’s remove expectations and see things face value. You will never make him that perfect dad you wanted. You can only take him at face value and once you understand your worth, he may be around to stay or dismissed.

- by Tiffani Crenshaw

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