Relationship Addicts and The Cure
The pathology of low self-esteem is well versed among pundits of psychology and most demographic communities in our more socially conscious day and age. In reference to it, we shall divulge into the notion of, what I like to call, "Relationship Addicts".
Now, I do admit that utilizing the terminology of "addict" may seem a bit extreme in most cases; but let us assess what truly constitutes an addict.
"addicted - devoted or given up to a practice or habit or to something psychologically or physically habit-forming"
Now, you may ask, how can someone logically be addicted to being in a relationship. After all, if getting involved in a relationship should come naturally, it can't necessarily turn into something habitual. We don't habitually go to the bathroom. Yet some people do habitually eat. So this topic may prove a bit circumstantial. But I digress.
To understand the addiction, we must first identify it's origin. Albeit, we are simply products of our experiences; we must never ignore the impact our childhood has upon us, for it is from whence we derive our foundation into adulthood.
Not everyone's childhood is the same; from two-parent to single-parent, slightly dysfunctional to fully dysfunctional, to loving or abusive, or attentive to neglectful. We are bound to be approached by, or be that ourselves, one of the people from the said types of households. So for addiction to be a negative trait, one must have one of the negatives of the pairs of examples given.
What does a relationship addict endure emotionally when needing their "fix"? Loneliness, abandonment, bitterness/resentment, neglect, embarrassment, dependency, social pressure, etc; all of which are derivatives of Fear. That feeling that you "have to have someone". So logically, being in a relationship would offer it's perks like, companionship, camaraderie, affection, attention, etc. Either sides of this coin would serve as motivation to be in a relationship to the average person in the dating community. However, to a relationship addict these emotions are to the utmost extreme and make them prone to desperate, irrational, and hasty behavior. Often, vainly jumping from one unfulfilled relationship to the next, with little or no time at all to allow some sort of solitude and reflection. Which perpetuates into a downward spiral of depression, abuse, and poverty.
With all the emotions mentioned, notice that none of which mentioned were Love. This is simply because one can not give what they've never gotten, nor can they receive what they've never been shown how to receive. The negative behavior of relationship addiction can only be motivated by a negative emotion. The main one being Fear. And we all should know that Fear and Love can not dwell in the same heart.
When being in a true relationship, energy is being exchanged. However, relationship addicts do not involve themselves in relationships, they just "have someone". For someone to constantly be involved with someone so intensely, and passionately, and to be taking in so much of the other persons energy for the sake of them being an accessory or trophy, seems somewhat parasitic. And yet they are still unfulfilled, because intensity and passion do not equal love. Hence, this could never be a real relationship.
As we mentioned earlier, this all stems from a void in childhood. Most of these relationship addicts are sadly shaped this way for the rest of their lives. So with that being said, their healing processes must be continual, and without cease. And the main component of those healing processes would be forgiveness. Forgiving your parents or caregivers for what they never gave you. Forgiving your Universe for creating the circumstances that built you. Remember, forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. And just because you don't forget, doesn't mean you can't forgive.
ADDENDUM:
I tend to look at "relationship addiction" as a sign of weakness. A person ought to have enough of a sense of individuality to spend ample time with themselves between relationships.
It's a little backwards. You have to love yourself first in order to love someone else. When your always in a relationship, you never give yourself a chance to love yourself, so that you can love the person your with. Otherwise, you'll eventually hate them, and perpetuate a cycle going into the next relationship. And it only gets worse.
"Invest in the brand!"
Comments